Virtual reality is still not closer to allowing users to go out with Abraham Lincoln

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CAMBRIDGE, MA – According to a new report released Monday by researchers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology Media Lab, years of advances in virtual reality have not brought users closer to being able to distinguish with a digital interface similar to Abraham Lincoln. “While technology can now provide us with compelling interactive experiences in a variety of artificial environments, we are still unable to simulate compelling, vaporous tongue kisses with President Lincoln,” said MIT professor Spencer Roberts, who explain that the RV had repeatedly failed to recreate the sensations of loosening the black bow of the 16th President of the United States, caressing his chest, feeling his shoulders tense and well muscled, and wrapping his legs around his powerful 6-foot, 4-inch frame. “We’ve spent close to $ 65 million on this issue, and while we’ve managed to offer users a recreation of what their hard beard against their cheeks might have felt, we still have to build a viable replication of this rail division the lean, lean meat from the border, which they could then explore with their lips.It’s unfortunate, because this technology showed so much promise in 1990, when we first built a computer that could run a 16-bit animated graphic of Lincoln doing a striptease who concluded with him wearing only the kitchen hat.

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